" Don't worry, child. You are Loved."

Probably the most profound (or, one of the most profound--it's hard to quantify these things!) experience I have had with being out of my physical body was when I was waking up from a surgery. I did not make a conscious decision to leave my body, but that is what happened.

It was about two years ago, in 2011. I had been battling (which was part of the problem—I had been “battling” with my body, not realizing that illness is no "war") with chronic sinus infections. The pain and pressure in my face had gotten so bad, that many times I begged to die. I told my partner I was ready to die. At the worst of it, I had a migraine-like headache for five months straight, with not a single day of reprieve. And, to top it off, I was in graduate school, trying desperately to earn a PhD--trying desperately not to drop out; trying desperately to read complex books every day; trying desperately to cut through and ignore the pain and write papers; and, trying desperately to teach students and do my job. It was a living hell. The worst time of my life.

So, not knowing any better, I capitulated to the promise of an easy fix: surgery. Western Medicine. The slash and stitch approach. My doctor assured me I would be cured, if he just went in with some scissors and balloons and snipped and cleared out my sinus passages. I was very hopeful.

As I was under the anesthesia, I left my body. Entirely. What was "me" was no longer me. Nope. Now I was—something else. I was both larger and smaller than what I see before me every day in waking, “normal” life. I was in...and I was more in than out.

All around me where moving constellations, bright erupting planets of gold and green and blue. The colors were more vivid, more rich, more utterly pleasing to my senses (which were more than simply sight, sound, taste, etc…my senses were ALL senses, then—I could truly SENSE) than I had ever before experienced. Although I had no logical thoughts at that time, and thus could not articulate it in words then, looking back I think about what it felt like to me…and the only way I can describe it is being completely safe and warm and wrapped in love. I loved all and all was loved by me and all that was "me" was love.

After floating peacefully and ecstatically in this gravity-less and time-less place, there came a voice, as I began to wake up in the hospital bed. The voice was a woman. An older woman. Her voice had a soothing, deep, almost singing pull to it. The words were like a song. She said to me, “Don’t worry, child. You are loved. Do Reiki on yourself for thirty days and you will be healed. And do Reiki on Andrew, your partner, for thirty days, also.”

As I awoke, as I stumbled to open my heavy eyes, a nurse was holding my hand, and saying, “Hello there” cheerfully. A few minutes passed, and then Andrew was by my side, the nurse instructing him that I was coming around. As I tried to form words and failed, I remember smiling. The biggest smile I have probably ever smiled up to that point in my life so far. All was well. I could continue with my life, knowing this great secret. 

Since then, I have tried to tell others about what I experienced. I can say with surety that I have been back to that place since then, in different contexts and using different tools. And, even now, writing this post seems lacking. The truth of that space is beyond words, beyond logic.

But, as I am still a mortal being, in my thirtieth year of life, I can imagine no better way to spend this afternoon than typing out these words, hoping that perhaps someone can find these words--and, somehow, know something new. 

Spirit Science says...

I came across this great video from Spirit Science, that makes the case that lucid dreaming and astral projection are actually the same thing; the video states that both are ways of visiting other dimensions through use of the etheric body.

"What is the Meaning of Life?"

About half a year ago (or so), I jotted the following "dream" down on a scrap of paper, which thankfully I had the good sense to save! As I wrote, I thought to myself, "oh, that must have been a lucid dream."

You see, I've been having lucid dreams since I was a child. They are truly wonderful to experience! In dreams, I have complete control over what happens. It is like playing in the ultimate toy box. I can have sex with whomever I want, I can fly like birds, I can outrun hurricanes & exploding volcanoes: I can do and feel and be anything.

But as this particular dream was happening (the one I'm about to share), as well as when I was later recording it, I had this tiny knowing that this was not a lucid dream. I knew (deep down) that this was something else.

Now I understand, after much written research as well as through talking face-to-face with many others "in the know," what I experienced was astral travel. I had somehow gained power and access to another way of knowing and being and seeing and traveling, without even consciously intending to. What a gift!

My particular mode of travel was not simply out of my body and around my bedroom or down the street or even into another country on Earth. I travelled not to anywhere on our physical earth, but I travelled past our plane and into another. It was a place where the colors were more vibrant, a place where love was more tangible in the air, and a place where time moved very very differently (in fact, I would gesture to say time really didn't exist there). As I moved into this plane and back out of these plane, I had the sensation in my physical ears of a very loud vibration--it was a deep buzzing but also gong-like sound that shook my entire body to the core. After doing research, I realize that what that sound was was me doing the work of transporting myself to that other plane. Going to that other plane involved not moving across space (like we do when we move our legs to get from Point A to Point B), but rather by my body's frequency being raised to a new height. In attaining that frequency, I was able to travel to and experience the plane I'm about to describe.

I am transcribing the dream just as I wrote it down on the scrap piece of paper, many months ago, as I jumped out of bed, wild-eyed and amazed.

****

Hot summer time. Afternoon. In front of me, there was a woman who had been killed in front of me. Blood oozed out of her gunshot wound. There was a loved one near her, a man (her husband?), crying, sobbing, screaming.

Then, two figures suddenly appeared: one male, one female. Loving. The man was very round; he was a Native American. The woman was also round; she was middle-aged with short grey hair and a sweater, despite the searing heat. These two figures said to all of us (both me and the crying man present) this: "There is no reason to fear. That person signed a contract for this to happen. To be in that place at that time."

The man sobbing looked up, said: "You are heartless. How can you be so cold?"

I said, then, to the two beings: "Can I talk to you both about this more?" They smiled lovingly and said "Yes." We walked away. I followed them into some cloudy place. Earth was no longer under our feet. We moved and swayed in the windy clouds. Fuzzy. Only light colors. No time; no up or down. My body was warm, vibrating.

I said: "What is the meaning of life?" In unison they replied, "To live life to the fullest!" I remember thinking, why is their answer such a cliche? Right after that, they melted away, and thousands of hands began to massage my entire body. It felt so blissful. Then, to my great surprise, I saw my body on the bed in my bedroom back on Earth. I was sleeping. My partner was next to me. But, that was in total contrast to what I was simultaneously feeling and seeing, which was a number of hands lovingly massaging me, taking away every pain I ever accumulated during life.

Then, my body began vibrating at a different speed. It was faster. Faster faster faster faster I began to moan out loud. Louder, louder, I began to moan and then howl! I was howling at all my pain and anguish in life. It hurt, but then as I realized it, I began to feel my "normal" Earth-body again. I felt both bodies simultaneously, and then I became afraid. That's when my eyes shot open, and I was back in my normal bed.

Near Death Experience

Over the years, I've had little inklings to start a blog that chronicled my metaphysical realities. Yet, I always before was held back by fear. I simply didn't want to acknowledge in writing (my primary/preferred mode of expression) what was going on with me. I was in partial denial. I doubted the realities of what I saw and experienced because I had yet to meet like-minded others who had in fact gone through the same or similar experiences. Further, I was afraid people would find out my true identity and it would have major negative consequences on my work life...I work in the very often repressed land of academia, where knowledge tends to be all about what the general consensus can touch, taste, hear, see, and feel. In academia, we are barely beginning to talk about concepts like love and compassion, so it makes sense that academics would hesitate to acknowledge any realities beyond the mundane physical plane, beyond that which can be measured in a test tube.

Well, due to a recent near death experience (NDE), I have lost all those fears and denials. A few days ago I almost died in a tornado. At the point where I truly believed 100% that I was going to die, I left my body and entered a very beautiful realm. I realized, though, that I'd been there before--which was odd, because I'd never faced death before. So, how had I "been there before"? That question spawned numbers other ones. I want to write about and record and think about the number of times I've visited this place or places similar. I want to put the puzzle pieces together, so they can connect even in a small way.

I realize that I must write about what is happening to me in a public forum, so that I can not only keep track of what is going on with me for myself (I like to stay organized even in these mysterious kinds of matters!), but also so that I can provide comfort to others who may be going through similar journeys. There is really nothing more frightening than experiencing something that the general populace would demean as "crazy" or "unreal" or "only an illusion." When you experience something and you happen to be alone or feel alone (no one can confirm or agree with you that what has happened is possible), you tend to become paranoid, manic, sad, depressed, confused, etc. I don't want anyone to feel that way.

So, this blog is for you. I'm so happy that the Internet can bring us together like this.

What you are going through is totally fine. In fact, it's excellent! And, I would even argue that it's what all beings will eventually experience, whether in this lifetime or in the next.

In my next post, I am going to record what I thought was--at the time--merely a lucid dream. Looking back now, I know that what it was was astral projection (also known as an OBE, out-of-body experience). The reason I know this is because two nights after my near death experience, I set an intention to understand what was happening to me. I asked that if I had the power to leave my body again (like what happened during my near death experience) that I wanted to that to happen that night, while I was sleeping in my bed. And, I did. While I was sleeping, I left my body and I met these wonderful beings. I asked them "Why am I leaving my body?" Their response was: "It doesn't matter why; the point is that you can do it. Yes, you are doing it."

When I woke up, I spent the entire day in meditation, eating grounding food, taking naps, walking around a tree farm, and surrounded by friends and a fire. And now, the following day, I am ready to start this blog.

Greetings. Let's see where we go.